Getting Through When Life is Notably Hard

Some phases of life are notably difficult. According to my therapist (and apparently a lot of research that I haven't had the energy to explore lately) a lot of people have more difficult lives based almost entirely on attachment as a child. Which, frankly, sucks, because I have always been one to "make things work."

It's possible that long stretches of life will be notably difficult for you, too. It's possible that we might be in a place where we only see the good when we look back. If that's the case for you, I'm going to leave 10 things that have helped me get through. Literally the mindsets, tasks, and interpersonal notes that have helped me simply keep going so I could get to moments of good again. You can get there, too.

1. Know your comforts. Feeling constantly agitated is the worst. Comforts help mitigate those feelings. My comforts are coffee and blankets. It's okay to dive into them. I tried to quit drinking coffee in November--in the middle of a pandemic. This was stupid because coffee makes my body literally feel better. 
2. Meditate. I know that meditation is the worst. Guided meditation is literally the only type I can do--and that's okay. Because after a few months of practice, my body always relaxes. I drift away from this resource (I use Headspace, and I pay for it so I use it, the same way that people do with gym memberships) and drift back. But I'm always a happier, more even keeled person when I find it again.
   
3. Name your feelings. Feelings are the worst. But when I finally named that I was deeply angry a few years ago, I could start healing it. It's the same principle as getting a physical diagnosis--you can't heal it until you name what's wrong. And while feelings aren't "wrong," they are guideposts to what might be the source of trouble in your life. 
   
4. Talk to someone about the hard time. Talk therapy is the worst. It is so self-indulgent (and expensive) that it's ridiculous. But we're scientifically social creatures. We learn from each other as humans since the day we are birthed into this world. From how to eat to how to handle a divorce, it's nearly impossible to do these things without acquiring knowledge from another human. So choose your human specialists wisely and talk to them about it. I choose people who are licensed and paid to give me sage advice a good portion of the time.
   
5. Physically touch another living creature. Being emotionally vulnerable is the worst. But I think we've all realized this year that we all need to touch other people. While we can get through and get those bonds with our sweet fur babies (shoutout to Woodford and occasionally Minnie who are snuggled up to me as I write this), it's important to connect physically with other humans, too. It's easy to neglect this as an adult, and it's still so important because we literally should never stop emotionally developing, and touch informs our emotional development.
6. Hydrate. Water is the worst. So flavor it. Drink it. Drink more of it. Notice how your life changes. 
   
7. Absorb plants with all of your senses. Being trapped inside all of the time is the worst. So go outside and look at a damn tree. Look at the shape of its leaves and listen to how they rustle in the wind. Feel the texture of the bark. It's spring--smell its flowers. Don't taste the tree, but eat a salad later. Plants improve our lives.
   
8. Write your story. Emotions are the worst. I already said that, right? So sometimes the process of acceptance can actually be simplified when you just write down your very, very factual story. I do this almost every Sunday when I journal--I literally bullet point the factual events of that week as a record of my life. Stuff like where I live, what activities I did, what I did for work, what I did for fun, if there was a violent attack on my country's capitol. You know, the straightforward stuff. Just writing it in a list and NOT reflecting on the emotions can give you a springboard to come back to later when you have a feeling you can't name. 
   
9. Get more sleep. Going to bed is the worst. But just do it. Falling asleep gets harder the older you get for a lot of people. So find what works for you. What works for me is watching Frasier and putting a timer on the TV, the Whitenoise app on my phone playing thunderstorm sounds, ASMR videos of people playing with hair (I know that it's super effing weird), and Headspace's sleep stories. My mind needs guidance to relax and it's okay if yours does, too.
   
10. Release and return. Making a scene is the worst. So go to a car, a closet, or anywhere you can actually completely let go and give a movie-style primal scream, even if it's into a pillow. Dance, wildly and fast. Write all of the emotions and weep uncontrollably. But have a plan for coming back to calm--like literally build that part of the release in so that you don't get consumed by it. Even if it's a timer on your phone. Release and return. 
    

I'm sorry things are hard for you. Keep. Going. Connect to other humans--even leaving a comment below can be a form of connection. I've found moments of hope on the internet, and I hope you can, too.